New Year

I know I haven't updated very recently, but life sort of decided to kick me in the behind so I haven't had much time.
As of late, there have been a lot of changes that have occurred in my life and I feel that it is essential to sort out what is different and what is the same. I think I'm finally coming to terms with who I actually am.
I love to read. I don't care what you say, the book is ALWAYS better. I have loved to read for as long as I can remember and sometimes I prefer books to people. I know enough about myself to know that this comes off as shyness or anti-social behavior sometimes. Truth be told, I think society is completely backwards in its mentality anyway so I don't care much about this.
Selfishness in the right circumstance is not wrong. Recently, I've had to cut off a few portions of my life that were holding me back. Much like you would prune a rose bush so that more roses may grow, I've had to let people and objects go so that I may grow as a person. So far this is actually working out rather well and I don't regret coming to this realization.
Something that I think I've always felt but have never conceptualized til now, keeping your word is probably the most important aspect of friendship to me. If you do this one simple thing, I know so much more about you than you can tell me. I know that I can trust you. I know I can count on you and that you are dependable. I know that you care enough about me to do what you say you will. Likewise, this is why I always make it my first priority when dealing with people to fulfill my promises and keep my word.
Another realization that has really always been in the back of my mind: God is perfect. It is the people claiming Him that are flawed and sometimes radically so. People are the complication, but God, more often than not, gives us simple standards to live our lives by. I'm tired of people's judgement, when God's is really all that matters.
Family is always more important. No matter what. Friends, relationships, acquaintances; they all come and go, but at the end of the day, your family is the only anchor we have that keeps us sane and accountable.
Being selfless is probably the most rewarding and thankless attributes of a person. Ironic isn't it?
Being an adult is hard. I know we were told a thousand times before, but nothing will prepare you for when you finally step out on your own. Making those hard decisions and having to compromise and improvise on occasion is just a part of growing up. Contrarywise, know when to let loose and be immature. There is a time for everything and everything has its season.
Despite my father and step mother's best attemps, I am still a Christian. This is unchanged. What has changed is that I love much more freely, and am still learning to be more so each day. I am slowly learning to treat each person as one of God's creation, instead of holding another social norm of class or pecking order. Everyone is essentially the same. The only difference is resources.
This year I fell in love with an atheist. Given my previous statement, I can see how this might be confusing, but I tell you, this boy is everything I want in a man down to the freckle, EXCEPT for being atheist. He's smart, he makes me laugh more than anyone else, I am myself around him more than anyone else. We are always honest with each other. I trust him more than anyone else on this earth and he me.
I don't make New Year's Resolutions anymore. They're vastly over-rated and are never kept. EVER. However, if I were to make any sort of promise to myself, I think it would be this...
I am finished being what others want me to be so that they'll be more comfortable. I'm through pleasing everyone because if I didn't it would cause problems. I am who I am. I am interested in what I'm interested in. I'm not going to pretend to like something just to fit in with a certain group. I'm not going to compromise my integrity to ensure acceptance. I'm done fighting back the real me. It's high time the real me had her time to shine. I don't need to be what everyone else expects because expectations do not matter if they are not reality. I deserve to be myself. I deserve to be happy too. I deserve to be what I want to be. And I want to be a more loving, sweet, lovely, caring, compassionate, gentle, honest, genuine person. Nothing is going to stop me except myself.